I completely understand the tittle "Momma Bear," well, I have for a while now. Just didn't think things could still get worse. Bella's fine, it's me that's not.
When things build up I'm sorry, but my purple pants rip off and I turn green, it's not pretty but it helped the end of this week go better.
With all the complexity of Bella's scenario and things going on, there have been way too many days where I feel like I'm holding my daughter down for someone to check her over for way too many hours in the day. And then to have her frustrated or in pain on top of that and see her cry is agonizing.
I try so hard to prevent these types of days and give her more time to play and be free, not poked and proded.
I'd love to catch up with a restful break in a day but more than that I want to catch up on our mommy daughter time. The moments in a day where we just have fun or snuggle. I thank all of you for offering your time, it's so needed but oh so tricky. Anxiety is a battle im fighting because with all the past and recent mistakes with her care I'm too anxious to leave cause there have been too many times (thank God I was there) I caught a mistake and saved her from more pain.
So how do I leave her with that on my plate but how do I not exhaust myself.
I feel it's lose lose for me right now.
After a stressful scenario on Tuesday evening and Hulk had left for the evening, the nurses and doctors have been more supportive in solving this problem that has gone on too long. They have helped organize Bella's care plan better and support me so I can just be mom for Bella.
And what a stress for Papa Bear eh! Shout out to my hubby Lyle. Baby, I can't imagine having to work, maintain a job, keep up our acreage, etc. while Bellla is far away in hospital.
I fall apart without you here and I fall into your arms when you arrive. I love you and your strength to keep our amazing Swifty Life in tact for when we can finally make it back there.
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